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“Government officials” announced on Sunday that Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet “Big Sis” Napolitano, would visit Israel this week “to assess passenger vetting and other counter-terrorism measures at its Ben-Gurion Airport.” The implication, of course, was that Big Sis and her crew of perverts would cadge tips from the Israelis since “security at Ben-Gurion, Israel’s main international airport, is considered to be among the most effective in world aviation.” Alas, Arabs and Gentiles — and even some Israelis -— tend to choose different adjectives when describing said security: “intrusive,” “inept,” “shocking.”

Whatever. According to the Department of Homeland Security (DHS), Big Sis would  “shar[e] information and best practices with Israeli aviation authorities in order to counter threats of terrorism.” If that’s the case, we might have expected the Israelis to bar everyone at the DHS from their country: after all, the agency plagiarizes its terminology and tactics from a terrorist who slaughtered 12 million people, half of them Jewish. But that didn’t keep Big Sis from “deliver[ing] brief remarks on the significance of the memorial” at Yad Vashem Holocaust Memorial, where she also “laid a wreath with a ribbon that read ‘U.S. Department of Homeland Security.’ ”

I wonder how fast Hitler’s Jewish victims are spinning in their graves at that one.

Perhaps Israeli citizens object to Big Sis’ insults, but for sure their rulers don’t. When discussing such fascinating topics as subduing serfs — sorry, “countering threats of terrorism,” tyrants happily stick together. Even if it means overlooking overt references to the Nazis. And of course the $3 billion in annual “aid” the Feds transfer from poor people in this country to rich rulers in Israel doesn’t hurt, either. 

Unfortunately, Big Sis’ trip was a failure, at least if we accept its premise of studying the intimidation Israelis dignify as “security” for application here in Der Homeland. By Tuesday, poor Sis realized that – duh! – Israel is just too dang different from the US for its abuses to translate, and she “rebuffed suggestions that U.S. airports should adopt the practices of airports in Israel…” 

Big Sis fears “that what is effective in Israel, a nation of 7.3 million, wouldn’t necessarily work for 310 million Americans. Ben-Gurion is Israel’s only major international airport. The United States, however, has 450 such facilities. Plus, about 11 million people pass through Israeli airports each year, while 70 times that many passengers go through American airports each year. ‘So there’s a very big difference in terms of size and scale,’ said Napolitano…” 

What a pity Big Sis doesn’t frequent The New American website — as a reader, I mean, not to keep tabs on all us domestic terrorists. We pointed out these glaringly obvious facts a year ago, in plenty of time to save Big Sis the trouble of a trip – and taxpayers its astronomical cost.

I can’t put a figure on how high that price soared, despite hours of valiant Googling. And even if Obama’s regime were as transparent as he endlessly promised, it would be tough to break out the figures for the three days Big Sis wasted in Israel: naturally, those 72 hours were only part of a “week-long, security-focused” junket to such exotic ports of call as Ireland, Afghanistan and Qatar. After Israel, she and her entourage departed for Belgium (what crime did the Belgians commit to deserve such punishment?). But I think we can safely estimate that taxpayers are on the hook for millions here.

Meanwhile, there are other, far more important reasons than the logistical for Americans to spurn Israeli “security”: it is as antithetical to the Constitution and American values as the Transportation Security Administration is. Preventing mankind’s worst enemy, government, from interfering in our lives, “protecting” us from ourselves and phantasmagoria, harassing us as we indulge our God-given freedom to travel while robbing us to pay our tormentors -— the Constitution’s whole raison d’etre is liberating us from such horrors. 

In contrast, Israel is an explicitly socialist nation, founded on nationalist principles that present government as our benefactor and friend. So while its citizens see nothing wrong with officers pestering, haranguing and bullying passengers, let alone searching them without a warrant, Americans certainly should. 

And yet for all its tyranny, Israel doesn’t gate-rape passengers as does America’s TSA. Which brings us to this good news: the rulers of Israel and America “share a common goal,” Big Sis prattled before her tour of Ben-Gurion International Airport, “which is to protect the people of our countries from terror or other attacks.”

Yeehaw! The worst attacks we suffer come from the TSA’s goons, so surely Big Sis’ “goal” of protecting us means she’s calling off her thugs.

Right?