TSA Witch: Leavin’ on a Broomstick
Article audio sponsored by The John Birch Society

We might argue that all the females feeling us up in airports are witches. But Carole Smith, who tortures passengers in Albany, New York, actually admits that she is. 

The Transportation Security Administration (TSA) fired her last year — because she’s a witch, she says, though the agency contends she was merely insubordinate. Either way, how could even the TSA be stupid enough to discharge so qualified an employee? Not only does Carole “proudly [acknowledge] being a witch,” but “her training as a massage therapist kept her from being squeamish, as some officers were, about patting down [sic for ‘sexually molesting’] elderly and special-needs passengers.” Oh, I’ll bet. If the TSA weren’t an inept bureaucracy, it would recruit from massage parlors, brothels, and yes, covens rather than pizza-boxes.

Naturally, Carole wants her job back. And you can see why: who besides the TSA pays deviants to act like witches while pawing victims? No wonder Carole sued the agency. A judge ruled against her, as judges almost always do when the defendant is the TSA. The plaintiff has appealed.  

Carole continues her lawsuit with the blessing, so to speak, of “Selena Fox, senior minister of Circle Sanctuary church [sic], and one of the country’s preeminent Wiccan educators, [who] said the issue here is freedom of religion.… ‘She (Smith) was on the ball as a TSA person,’ Fox said, ‘She was protecting our country.’”

No doubt a great many of Carole’s prey would dispute that “she was protecting our country” — or that she and her cohorts do anything but get their jollies at our expense, sans the risk of incarceration threatening free-lance perverts.

Carole also enjoys the support of the corporate media, whose double standard is blatant and fascinating. They enthusiastically endorse Carole’s whitewash of witchcraft as a “religion,” a benign alternative to Christianity: “Smith says her religion is closely tied to nature … She says she celebrates the changing seasons and the full moon, and she has a small cauldron that she uses to burn incense. ‘You don’t try to harm anyone else,’ she told MSNBC.com. “It’s not spell-casting. It’s putting something out there in the universe that you desire, and if the time is right, and your heart is pure, and it’s right for you, you may get it.” Never a hint from the media’s morons that the woman is off her rocker by about six centuries. Rather, they decree her brand of witchcraft good, just as they do sodomy and abortion. 

And they tar anyone who disagrees as a troglodyte, just as they do with sodomy and abortion. Witness the mockery Carole and her partisans in the media dish out to another of the TSA’s crones, Mary Bagnoli. She, too, believes in witchcraft — though not in its goodness: Mary “accused Smith of following her on the highway one snowy evening after work [sic] and casting a spell on the heater of her car, causing it not to work. Well, actually, Bagnoli said she hadn’t seen Smith’s car, but she had seen Smith. ‘I thought to myself,’ Smith recalls, ‘what, did she see me flying on my broom?’ … as for hexes, no, Smith said Wiccans don’t go in for that sort of foolishness.” Of course not. Silly Mary!

Nonetheless, Mary complained about her broken heater to a supervisor at the TSA. That led to “the assistant director[‘s telling Carole that] he was investigating a threat of workplace violence.” Love it! A government that has relentlessly injected itself into the office, that dictates how employees, employers, and colleagues may interact, deserves every bit of this lunacy.

Carole insists it was the spell she didn’t cast on Mary provoking her termination, not that “she’d forgotten her name tag one time, had been a few minutes late, had stayed too long on break.” And the media did its best to support her claim with quotes from “experts” like Selena Fox — though they seldom if ever report, much less support, the claims of sexual abuse and molestation passengers lodge against Carole and her cohorts.

Meanwhile, Carole apparently trusted the discrimination courts have legalized to shelter her from the consequences of divulging her beliefs: members of various protected groups may announce or do just about anything, but the members of unprotected groups to whom they announce or do it may not react. For example, a sodomite may gossip about his deviancy to his co-workers, but if they recoil or express disapproval, the State penalizes their employer.  

Carole seems to have advertised her beliefs (when Christians do this, we’re jeered — or worse — for proselytizing) and apparently hoped for acclaim or at least sympathy from her fellow thugs. Such expectations are imbecilic; they force us to observe that Carole’s intelligence, like her morals, admirably suit her for her former job. After all, her co-“workers” pester grieving passengers, savage elderly women, demean those suffering from illness, and steal from foreign visitors. Indeed, Carole herself “caught [sic for ‘robbed’?] a woman on her way to Vietnam with $30,000 in cash….” So she is intimately familiar with the ethos the agency instills. And yet she hoped to escape punishment when confiding highly personal information to its brutes: “ ‘Where did you park your broom?’ Smith said one co-worker asked her. ‘Why don’t you come to work in your pointy hat?’ Smith said she … is not embarrassed about practicing Wicca. But bullying is something else.”

There are no good guys in this story, only degenerates and dictators. The best we can say is that Carole and the TSA richly deserve each other. So we’ve no one for whom to root. Which allows me to predict without the least approbation or disfavor that Carole will lose her appeal, given Seer Selena’s reasoning: “Religious discrimination is very much a part of this case; at the heart of it,” she asserts. “The TSA has to uphold the constitution just like any other federal agency.”

What a laugh! Selena, you familiar with the Fourth Amendment? Hint: Carole and the TSA routinely trample it.