Wednesday, 11 May 2011

SEAL of Dishonor

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“They’re America’s quietest killers,” Newsweek gushes under the headline, “The Coolest Guys in the World.” ABC News calls them “the best of the best” who “toil in the dark of night, tasked with the most daring, dangerous and important missions.” And no encomium to the State’s minions would be complete without an enthusiastic endorsement from the New York Times: Navy SEALS, particularly the notorious Team 6 whom the Feds allege to have murdered Osama bin Laden, are “America’s Jedi knights: the elite of the elite, an all-star team of commandos.”

So all you young’uns yearning to make your mark, here’s how: find an unarmed man a few birthdays shy of membership in AARP and shoot him.

Of course, to guarantee that you land on Newsweek’s cover rather than in jail, your victim must embody evil, at least according to the United States’ government (curiously, it never so categorizes its own politicians and bureaucrats, though they’re the ones starting the wars). And while pulling the trigger, disguise yourself in such intimidating clothing and accouterments you no longer look human.